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December 13, 2010
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Life...
Destiny.
Fate.
If any of you beings have brought me,
the most amazing woman to ever live...
One to place a crown of jewels upon,
her beautiful head...
A golden throne,
for me to kneel before her...
And my heart,
as she is the very embodiment of my love...
I'll swear my allegiance to her,
as queen of my love,
goddess for my world,
my heart to pulse life,
in my veins.
I'd never want to be a king to her queen,
but be king of her heart.
I'd hold her love,
her power,
touched between the tender skin of mine,
above the bondage,
tethers and layers of metal,
pure and ravened armor.
Live by the sword by sunrise,
kneel before Her Grace by nightfall.
To sleep,
draped in her fair raven hair.
A promise to try and be as worthy of her,
for the rest of my days.
From her skin,
to her very essence,
she remained pure and kissed by no other,
and all mine to show my eternal gratitude to.
For every day to pass,
until when the castle would fall,
our dimensions and worlds to fade,
until we turned to dust,
love to live on for more than just a lifetime.
But,
these ghosts...
They would continue to get stronger,
as more eyes would be opened to Her Majesty's beauty.
Spectral creatures they were.
They did more than infiltrate the castle...
Stone walls proved no purpose against them.
Heaven forbid,
they passed through bones...
Into her mind,
into mine as well.
Despite some uncertainty,
I felt undaunted.
Her Highness...
I could not say for sure.
But I felt confident...
Remembering one of many fulfilling nights:
"My spirit is always with you."
She told me,
as pearly white hands kissed my neck,
graceful orbs to join me in unified sight.
"Light a candle in darkest nights,
when I'm not there.
My love burns brightest for you in that spark of fire.
When you need me,
I will light up your path to me,
my love..."
In times when I'd lay broken...
"I remember a boy I met,
in a life I once used to live...
He knew I was someone different...
I lived with a heart of most adamant stone.
The world reared its ugly head to me,
as often as I'd see the earthly sky.
But he saw beauty in me,
he showed me love,
showed me I had goodness,
hidden inside of all the barriers I created.
He watched me grow.
He watched me change.
I fell in love with an angel,
after all...
Perfect in all of his grandeur.
I admired him,
from his perfect face to his toes,
and the width of his wings.
But when I'd see this boy in pieces,
I felt like I was watching the death of a holy fighter.
His heart was broken,
beneath all of that worn armor.
And I felt like it was my chance.
My chance to tell you..."
"Let me be the one to hold your heart in my hands,"
I remembered.
"Let me heal your heart.
I'll never drop you."
A promise I'd never want to forget.
Such promises she made,
they were almost like a vow.
I'd seal them with my kiss,
forbidden to all lips but her's.
I wish my kiss could show her more,
more than just...
the meaning of how much I love her.
"My liege,
never have I been gifted with something,
from Heaven,
especially with God's best creation.
I watched you rise to power,
and I'd never want to share something such as that,
but to have all of your love and more.
Not only have you...
Not only have you,
broken the mail I used to wear...
Weathered and damaged over the years,
I'd had to hide my face beneath my cracked basinet.
But my heart,
had spines and a carapace.
And you killed the disease.
Oh,
how could a higher being such as you,
take such endearing mercy,
upon this once-broken knight as I?
My armor never breaks.
I stand,
invincible!
While your love gives me life,
I want all of my love and more,
to give you the wings you surrendered,
to find me.
I love you so much.
I'll fight everyday to the rest of my days,
to prove I'm worthy for you,
every night."
Demons could not shake that strength,
could they...?
Strength,
in its abstract form,
seemed like it'd need some rest.
Seemed like it would be somewhat worn and torn,
without something to reinforce it,
as time is one of the poorest healers of power,
that isn't physical.
And the apparitions found that weakness.
Her Highness lost her faith in my love.
I would hide my face beneath the cross helm,
and speak to Her Majesty.
My feelings...
They remained ever so strong!
But I was stricken by all the fights...
All the fighting I've done for her.
My sword remained unsheathed for weeks...
The days always came,
but the nights didn't come so often.
And why...?
The last day I remember,
before falling from Her Grace,
was fighting with the shadows following her.
She looked to me with tears,
tears...
I remember that despite all of this strength in love,
all of the purity and power behind all of it,
the tears she'd cry in dark corners of the room,
were from my human tendencies...
The feelings never died,
but my insolence to her in days,
lives before,
left her to feel disgusting.
Something as if she didn't feel worthy of getting my love.
There are a lot of shadows,
beneath love that seems so bright.
She rid me of my cuirass,
took her heart by force.
The very jewel,
warm and always brightest in dismal days,
hidden under noble armor.
The very walls that kept me undaunted for all these years.
I never asked for my heart back,
but she hasn't come forth with it,
when I would leave.
As a jewel of its own stature,
it feels like it's cold,
tainted,
and bleeds of infected blood.
Keep it in a box.
Leave it to sink in the moat.
I'd rather leave my heart hostage,
to a woman I know I loved,
if it means to find a cleansed heart,
despite how much time should pass.
To breathe in her true love once and for all.
But I'd remember those last few seconds,
beyond the castle walls.
A mimic?
A silhouette of my shadow?
A characterization of my heart,
when Her Majesty first embraced it with her life?
I never knew what it truly was,
but it'd stay beyond the walls.
And it would be Her Majesty to look away in anguish,
as the unknown figure would decree that I'd depart,
from the very dimension I built for me and her,
and for him to stay.
The world's so cruel,
past the castle gates.
The battlefields,
personal battles I've won from years past,
to recently,
to keep Her Majesty safe and secure.
The bones and the freshly killed corpses,
stagnated the air before the walls.
Yet my armor,
the very same armor she conjured out of raw love for me,
it still covered more than my chest cavity,
it'd still protect my life and soul.
However,
I'm not deserving to wear this in its full power...
I've felt like just another creature I've slain,
another one laying forever lifeless on these fields.
I'd be colder than ever,
to wear armor filled with salt water.
I'll have the skeletons wear parts of this armor.
From the dead wearing my pauldrons,
and my curiass,
to my vambraces and gauntlets,
down to my greaves and sollerets,
I will let the fallen,
the unknown,
the nonexistent,
know what it was like to be protected by true love.
The cross helm?
Leave it,
leave it by the hilt of a sword,
for nobody to know what it was like to be truly loved.
But my sword,
my divine blade I shall keep,
for no other goddess could ever give me such stronger metal.
It's holding onto more than her love.
But all I ever stood for her as well,
in times past.
I'll wear the dead man's armor,
despite being stronger than who I used to be,
I'll leave looking,
feeling like the creature that that lies,
before my very own strength.
I'll leave this dimension.
This very place...
In all of its heeding of my love for Her Majesty,
that was in more than every stone that protects my lost lover.
She'd listen to my words,
but never speak of them for as long as she's with another.
Leave as a mercenary if you will,
my love isn't at its full strength,
but the power is immense,
and comes at a price.
But if a time for rescue beckons me,
I know where to find my home:
Within the very heart of the woman who I swore:
"Forever."
( November 30th, '10 - December 13th, '10. )

Yeah.
It's long. So be careful.

But, let's see...
According to the date of my last submission, it's been THREE YEARS since I last posted something?
Christ. It's almost like living another life, between 2008 and now.

To start with this piece of writing...
Well, let's face it.
I haven't really written a poem like this since my last one in almost a year? Or finished, really.

I've been in a pretty bad slump since mid-November. It's one of those times where one thing after the other, goes wrong.
This one, well... Hurt me the most.
However, things have been "almost" normal since then, except... This.
It's been up to this week that I've been feeling... Pretty good. Things are sort of recovering to how it used to be, for the record.
I've managed to keep things in the back of my head.

I remember that when I was working last week, that it seems like a life-or-death decision to post this poem up, because really... I've been trying to show my strength to stand up on my own... To a certain girl.
This poem is dedicated to that certain girl.
She knows who she is, especially since she's the one who's been asking me to post something again to DA and not just to her, since she just picked it up herself.
However, there's this part:

I know I love her.
I took what I thought would be there forever, for granted. Sure, it would be there forever, if I wasn't stupid.
But like every relationship, it's inevitable to have problems.
On the bright side, I wasn't that stupid to know, that she would be a girl I could stay with for the rest of my days.
And she's 1100 miles away, I would've found my way to be close to her, if... I at least showed to drive to do it.
Long story short, I do love her more than anyone else could claim.
But for now, or indefinitely, it's just not meant to be.
There's nothing to expect, and nothing to gain from posting this.
I'm hurting, and inside, she's hurting too.
Despite the past, if neither person wanted to fight for what he or she lost, it wasn't really love then, was it?

I've said enough.
This one's for you.